Haunting Heero Yuy
by Lady Lye
Summary: Poor widdle Heero just wants to relax, but the meddling author who takes in delight in torturing her characters has found a way to annoy the hell outta him without ever getting in trouble!! Or if all else fails, blame it on Duo. R&R!!


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Haunting Heero Yuy

Lady (the author): BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! I have the ultimate idea for a fic! BOW BEFORE ME, MORTALS!

Duo: Ok, everybody, Lady's lost it…

Trowa: You can say that again…

Lady: No, no, come here! Duo, you'll love this. Trowa, if you're the same Trowa from How to Annoy Heero: 101 (by White Blaze Wannabe very funny, read it.) then you'll love this as well.

Duo: (remembering story, as he would be able to remember all stories.) Ahhh… that was a GOOD day…

Lady: Exactly. I have an idea for something similar. (AN: this is me giving you credit, WBW cuz I don't wanna get in trouble or anything, ya know?)

Trowa: Um, ok.

Lady: HAUNTING HEERO YUY!!

Duo: Al-RIGHT! Sounds good to me! Who gets to haunt him?

Lady: Me, of course. I'm letting you guys in on the joke. It'll be funnier that way.

Trowa: …

Lady: (sigh) never mind Trowa… you guys go get ready to start, k?

HAUNTING HEERO YUY!

A spectacular new fanfic by Lady Lye

Disclaimer: This may be incredibly similar to the afore mentioned story by afore mentioned author, but that's ok cuz imitation is the greatest form of flattery. Speaking of which, you people with the rights to GW should be HONORED and GRATEFUL that so many people love the show so much that they want to write stories about it, and so you shouldn't sue any of them, ok? 

Tuesday started out just as any other day did in the Winner mansion. The GW guys were holed up inside it waiting for their next mission. Trowa was calmly reading a newspaper. Quatre was doing a little gardening on his favorite potted plants. Wufei was forcing himself to stare at the wall to punish himself for being weak in some way or another. He muttered to himself throughout this, but no one really noticed anymore because he'd been doing that for three days now. Duo was in his little hidey-hole under the stairs with a pair of binoculars, a notepad, the blueprints for the house, tape, glue, feathers, spaghetti, post-its, whipped cream, and a zillion other handy items with the potential to aid in the ultimate prank as soon as he devised it. Now was the time to use all that high-tech spy gear Doctor whats-his-letter had sent him. 

Heero was upstairs in his Spartan little room typing away on his laptop. He looked very intense and appeared to be doing something of the utmost importance to their mission. Actually, he had lost his unzipped copy of Sailor Moon solitaire and was trying to recover it. 

Lady Lye, the author of this fic, who will be referred to as Lady throughout, was sitting in her own little house staring at her own computer and snickering. Whilst writing another fic, she had come up with a brilliant idea. Being the author, she could do whatever she wanted. Including harass characters who wouldn't be able to figure out what was happening. Now who should it be… Duo? Nah. He knew her too well by now. Trowa? He wouldn't react right… Wufei… there was an idea. But not for today. Quatre was out of the picture, it might give him a heart attack. Ah… She had it. She grinned wickedly. She loved Heero, but he was so goddamn stubborn sometimes. And the ending of ep. 30 was just so SWEET… But not perfect. He and Relena should have kissed or something to satisfy Lady's insane Romantic side. She had to have her revenge on the little SOB.

Heero continued to type and mutter angrily. Turned out he had lost his zipping program as well so he had to download that, too. He blinked at the screen. Had he just seen that icon move all by itself? He looked down at his hand on the mouse. He hadn't done that, had he? He shrugged and moved on. No wait-there it was again. His icons were definitely moving on their own. "What the hell..?" he muttered, trying to investigate. Maybe that damn download had included a virus. Abruptly, the moving icons stopped. He stared at the screen suspiciously for several minutes, waiting to see if it would continue. He decided that he had imagined it and must have been staring at the screen for too long. He went downstairs to get some lunch.

Today was an 'every man for himself' day so Heero didn't bother to speak with the others. He went straight to the kitchen and found himself some leftovers to reheat. When he turned away from the microwave, the refrigerator was open. He stared at it. He KNEW he had closed it. He shook his head. He was losing it today. He went and closed it. When he turned around again, the stove door was open. Now he KNEW he hadn't gone anywhere NEAR the stove. He warily closed it and got his food out of the microwave. When he moved to put it on the counter, the refrigerator was open again. He blinked at it in disbelief. He closed it and went into the dining room, shaking his head. 

"Hey, Quatre! I think the fridge is busted," he called.

Quatre looked out from behind his houseplants in the next room. "Why do you say that?"

"It opened itself twice when I was in there."

"It did?" Quatre frowned. "I'll have to get someone in to look at it." He returned to his plants and Heero to his food.

Under the stairs, Duo snickered. It had begun- Lady had kept her word. He pulled out a cell phone. "Hey, Lady. Good job so far."

"Thanks. I'm messing with his head. I LOVE messing with Heero's head. I love him, but he can be so annoying sometimes. It's almost too easy."

"Keep it up."

"I will, don't worry."

They hung up.

Abruptly, Wufei's head fell forward and hit the wall with a painful THUD. Trowa blinked up at him. He didn't say anything as Nataku's pilot slowly pulled himself upright again and swayed woozily.

"Done repenting?" A very rude gesture was the response. "Maybe next time you should just buy a indulgence." He received an even worse one. (AN: little reference to history there… go look it up. It's a good crack.)

Wufei stumbled into the kitchen, grabbed some food, not caring if it was cold, and went to sit across from Yuy.

"Nice to see you've returned to us again, Wufei," Quatre called cheerfully. He loved his plants. They made him so happy. Even so happy as to risk bodily harm from Wufei.

Wufei mumbled something and started eating.

Heero spared him a glance and continued as well. In that one glance, his plate shifted slightly. He put his fork down and hit porcelain instead of food. He frowned. Maybe he was just tired. He blinked a few times to clear his vision and tried again. Again he hit plate. He glared at the plate of food. He was hungry dammit. This time he viciously speared a piece of chicken and ate it as spitefully as he could. Wufei ignored him.

Having finished, Heero decided not to go back upstairs. He needed to relax. There must be a way to do that. He was at a loss. He had never tried to relax before. "Um, Quatre?" he asked.

"Yes, Heero?" Quatre said pleasantly, still fussing with his precious plants.

"How do you relax?"

"You do whatever makes you happy," Quatre smiled. "I'm very relaxed- I like gardening."

"Ummm… I don't."

"Well what do you like?"

"…"

"I see. Well, sometimes you don't even have to DO anything. Just doing nothing can be relaxing. Here, I have a tape of soothing sounds, you can go lie down and listen to it," Quatre put down his gardening gloves and went to get the tape. He settled Heero in one of the sitting rooms and hit play. "Just relax and let the sounds wash over you." He left.

From under the stairs, a snicker came. "This is priceless… you getting this Lady?"

"I'm way ahead of you, O-Braided-One."

Heero lay down and tried to 'let the sounds wash over him' as Quatre had said. It started out with rain water gently falling. Hm. That was sort of nice. Sure, that could be relaxing he supposed. He was too tense. The sounds slowly started to change into the gentle lapping of the waves of the ocean, complete with gulls. He frowned. He tried really really hard this time… DAMMIT! This WOULD be relaxing if it didn't remind him of the first time he had met Relena. He had been trying to forget about her for another day or so. Thinking about her always made these weird- FEELINGS surface within him and he just couldn't deal with that. He could still see that day perfectly as though he were reliving it. He could almost hear her voice, trying to talk to him. Not understanding him but wanting to.

"Heero, Heero why do you always run from me? I love you, Heero-kun," he could hear her saying. NO! He didn't want to hear that! He couldn't deal with that! It was too complicated! "Heero…"

"No…" he moaned quietly, starting to sweat. 

"Heero… please, let me in. I would never hurt you… Aw, what the hell- I WANT you, Heero Yuy!" 

Heero's eyes snapped open. The usual fuzzy image of Relena that he saw at times like these was hanging over him, her hands reaching for him and her eyes hungry.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed. "Back! Back! Away! NO!" he fell off the couch, scrambling to get away. Too much! Too much! Emotional overload! NO! All the little stresses of the last hour or so had built up to a breaking point.

"Heero? Heero!" Quatre ran into the room. "Heero, what's wrong?"

"OMEA O KOROSU!!!!!!" Heero yelled, pulling out his gun. He pointed it at his mental image of Relena. It happened to be floating in front of the tape player that was still playing beach sounds. "DIE SPAWN OF SATAN!!!!!!" he shot at 'her' repeatedly, blowing the tape player to smithereens and making his mental image disappear.

Quatre stared at him wide-eyed. "Uh, Heero?"

"DIE!!!!!" he had run out of bullets. He started stomping on the tape player, crushing the life out of it. 

"Heero? Heero, stop that!" Quatre cried, afraid that if Heero really went Zero System on them, his house would be flattened. Thank god he hadn't yet. "Heero, you were dozing- it was just a dream!"

Heero stopped, panting. "A dream?" The great Heero Yuy NEVER had dreams.

"Yes, a dream," Quatre tried to sound soothing. 

"Bad dream."

"Yes, a very, very bad dream. Why don't you just come with me and we'll go get you something to drink, ok?" Quatre lead him into the kitchen.

"What the hell is wrong with that weak baka?" Wufei said with sensitivity. (AN: Oh yeah. That's SO my next target… Mission: Accepted.) 

"Bad dream I think," Quatre said, sitting Heero in a chair while he got him a glass of water.

"Hah. You are WEAK, Yuy, letting a DREAM get- at- you-" Wufei trailed off as he received the mother of all death glares from Heero, who was slowly returning to reality.

"Leave him alone, Wufei." Quatre ordered, giving Heero a glass.

Heero downed the water in one long gulp. "Thanks Quatre," he rasped. 

They both looked at him oddly. "Did he just… THANK you?"

"I think he did! Heero are you ill?"

Heero glared at them both. "I'm going back upstairs."

They watched him go, flabbergasted.

"Stupid Quatre and his stupid not relaxing tape. Stupid Wufei and his stupid opinions and his stupid big mouth…" Heero muttered as he resumed his place before the laptop. Hmph. The download still wasn't done. He resumed playing 'Whack-a-Mole' for Windows while he waited.

Downstairs, Duo was in hysterics. "You are QUEEN, Lady! I bow before you!"

"Ooh, cool. I like it, I like it. I'm running out of ideas though. You're the great prankster, you help."

"Ummmm… Oh! I've got it!" He whispered furiously into the phone.

"YES! YES! Ooh wait, we seem to be running out of space."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"All-knowing all-powerful author, remember? We'll do that next chapter."

"Ok!"

So? OK I know it started out kinda slowly… but I really like this last bit. Not to bash Relena or anything. I just completely take it that Heero has the emotional capacity of a four year old in a male teenage body. It ain't always pretty.

BTW: If you have any ideas, let me know so I can work on it and make it better.

Course, if nobody likes it or nobody reviews, then I won't continue. SO-

So? Luv it? Hate it? Don't understand it? SPEAK TO ME, CRETIN!!!!

-Lady Lye


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